My Normal Mythological Life
by swimboy
Summary: A humorous story told in parts, detailing Percy's regular life as he travels through time to save Olympus, for like the third or fourth time now. No pairing yet, supposedly funny... I tried, okay? Whatever the case, Percy resolves not to waste his second chance and attempts to save everyone, which is a rather difficult thing for one normal demigod to do, really.
1. Parts 1-4

**A/N: This is fun. So I wanted to pursue this topic for a little while, and then came up with the brilliant idea to tell the story in short, comedic parts. There are multiple parts per actual chapter, though each is pretty short by itself.**

 **Also, regular line breaks are boring! So now, the line breaks will actually be little text segments of their own. Each of them will usually be shorter than the regular story parts. The line breaks might have something to do with the plot, or they might not. For example, one might be the main characters recalling an important monster fight, or they might just be playing cards or something stupid.**

 **Neverteless, read the first chapter, and if you make it to the end, I'll see you there. I wish you luck.**

 **Obligatory disclaimer: Obviously I do not own any rights to anything about the source material, obviously.**

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 1** _(When one's personal space = 10 foot radius)_

"... Perseus Jackson!" the booming voice of Zeus called. "For crimes against Olympus, you shall be executed and banished to Tartarus!"

"What?!" two voices shouted at the same time. It was Percy himself and Poseidon who shot to their feet. Percy was obviously surprised and angered, though he didn't know what had triggered this accusation.

Zeus smugly crossed his arms. "You heard me. Percy has been proven guilty of treason during the giant war, as demomstrated by Athena's daughter and Octavian."

Percy whirled around and found himself facing a smirking Annabeth, and he felt his heart shatter. _Betrayed by one who calls you a friend._ Again. Classic.

Poseidon's eyes flashed an angry dark green, and his trident zipped back into his hand.

Athena stood up, brandishing a spear threateningly. "Quiet, you stupid jellyfish!"

Poseidon looked confused. "... jellyfish?"

Percy whispered. "Dad, jellyfish don't have brains."

Poseidon's eyes widened before he turned back to Athena, who was giggling. Percy glared at Annabeth, who stuck her tongue out at him.

"My son is innocent!" Poseidon shouted. "Circumstantial evidence is not enough to incriminate a person of treason!"

Zeus laughed a booming, wicked laugh that rebounded throughout the hall. "Well, it's not worth the risk keeping him around, is it?"

Percy was about to retort when someone else did for him.

Artemis, of all people, stood up and walked next to Poseidon. "So you would have us destroy a demigod who has served us faithfully for years?"

Apollo's eye twitched. "Is my baby sis actually defending a male?"

Percy winced, as he knew what was coming.

"Do not call me that ridiculous nickname! And I am defending a true hero, not some washed up prideful girl who brings shame to women," she glared at a certain daughter of Athena.

"You dare insult my daughter?!" Athena turned on Artemis, which prompted Apollo to flash next to his sister and glare.

Hermes, the level-headed messenger god, came to Apollo's aid while Ares backed up Athena.

"Ares, don't get within a ten foot radius of me," Athena spoke in a dangerous tone without even a glance at said war god.

Ares backed away slowly and took notice of Aphrodite crying, her favorite ship ruined because of some stupid backstabbing girl. Aphrodite cried and flashed behind Artemis.

"Aphrodite, don't get within a ten foot radius of me," Artemis spoke in a dangerous tone without even a glance at said love goddess.

Hephaestus noticed his wife ignoring her new hotshot boyfriend for once and hurried to support her.

"Hephaestus, don't get within a ten foot radius of me," Aphrodite spoke in a dangerous tone without even a glance at said god of the forge.

Percy winced. Harsh rejection.

Zeus, of course, stood and took Athena's side, along with his wife.

Demeter sat on the ground eating cereal, Hades looked bored munching on popcorn, and the drunk wine god drank more wine.

Percy, as well as Annabeth and all of the other demigod heroes stood in shock. Zeus was facing off against Poseidon and Artemis who was glaring at Athena who was the target of murderous gazes of Apollo and Hermes, who were also facing off against Ares, whose girlfriend was siding with her actual husband against Hera, the goddess of marriage. This left Demeter, Dionysus, and Hades doing nothing while their family squabbled.

Percy would have found the scene funny, but Hestia was desperately jumping up and down to try and calm everyone considering Gaea had just woken up, but eventually she gave up and walked towards Percy.

Percy looked down, until she reached him and tugged his chin up. She gave him a warm smile, and an "I'm sorry..." before she turned back and sat down on the rocks to wait it out.

Percy caught a glimpse of her tears.

* * *

 **Heavens Above** _(Powerful entity doesn't do anything important)_

A being watched the scene, a being so old and powerful not many took into account its continued existence as an all-powerful deity. Obviously the Olympians didn't. The being wondered how they would act if they actually believed that an all-seeing eye was trained on them day and night.

This super powerful god did notice that a few people down in Greece were decent. Some examples were Artemis, Apollo, Hermes, Hestia, and of course, the legendary Perseus Jackson.

The being let out a small chuckle, feeling humor - quite the emotional breakthrough considering that the being had been a stagnant sheet of boredom for the past few hundred years, during which the Olympians failed to uphold their duties as adequate rulers and allowed their children to be sent off like cattle to a slaughterhouse.

Whatever the case, the god watched this particular haphazard collaboration between gods intently. Things were going to get interesting.

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 2** _(An_ _entire family consists of idiots)_

Percy had graduated from being the subject of admiration from everyone at camp to being the subject of scrutiny from everyone on the Parthenon.

He glanced down. Zeus had won the fight, considering he was the king of the gods and had Athena on his side. She would make an excellent lawyer.

When the final vote came, Zeus, Hera, Athena, Ares, Dionysus, Demeter, Hades, and oddly enough, Hephaestus raised their hands. Apparently Hephaestus wanted to get back at Aphrodite by siding with her boyfriend who was antagonizing her at the moment. Whatever the case, it tipped the scaled towards execution, and Poseidon's face was filled with grief.

Athena and Annabeth were smirking as Poseidon shot them a murderous glare before turning his gaze on Percy. He tried for a smile, but his face conveyed the message 'I'm sorry I cannot do more.'

Apollo and Artemis shared glanced at each other and with Percy, each trying to send smiles of thanks at each other. Apollo smiled at Percy for helping save Olympus twice, Percy smiled at Artemis for allowing the two to become friends, and Artemis didn't smile at Apollo really.

Aphrodite was still bawling her eyes out over the loss of her romance reality tv show. Hephaestus was now feeling guilty for condemning this kid to death, and Hades was frowning as if reconsidering his choices as well. His nephew didn't deserve death unless he was a proven traitor.

Hestia was sharing tears with Poseidon and Percy as well. Her face tried to express her gratitude towards him for restoring her council seat and also to apologize. Percy tried to smile to alleviate any guilt she held. It wasn't her fault Annabeth was a backstabbing, knife wielding, hyper-intelligent jerk.

 _"Are you people idiots or something?"_ a feminine voice seemed to reverberate from the ground. _"Seriously..."_ a grassy figure swirled into existence, revealing... Gaea, of course, because everyone forgot that she was actually awake.

Percy's nosebleed intensified.

Gaea had white skin, grassy green eyes, and brown hair. Her attire consisted of green clothing that left little to the imagination.

Hera had to elbow Zeus to break off his spiraling train of thought, and Percy chuckled. Artemis was glancing at her father and brother with distaste, but she saw Percy laughing and gave him an approving nod.

 _"Why are you being so calm? I am the end of your existence!"_ Gaea tried to be intimidating. _"Um... argh?"_

Zeus casually tossed his master bolt at her. It did nothing, and Zeus sighed. "We're all dead, aren't we?"

 _"Yep,"_ Gaea sighed. _"Prepare to die. And nice work, Annabeth."_

Annabeth triumphantly walked over and kneeled at Gaea's feet.

"Ha! Yes, I told you my son was innocent!" Poseidon yelled triumphantly.

Gaea frowned. _"Is that your most pressing concern? I mean, what about ME, who is about to DESTROY YOU FOREVER?!"_ She glowed with a greenish hue and rose into the air. The wind picked up, and clouds blew in.

Hestia was in tears, and seeing the rest of her family were blatantly stupid, she decided to spend her last moments with Percy instead.

He was watching Jason and Piper have their last kiss, and Frank, Hazel, and Leo of all people were huddled together. Percy was by himself until Hestia tapped his arm.

He saw her face, and had softened.

 _"I suppose you demigods put up a fight..."_

"I'm sorry," Hestia tried to apologize.

"What for? It's not your fault the Olympians are stupid and won't listen to you..."

 _"... you gods and goddesses are just stupid..."_

Hestia brought him into a loose hug.

Percy sighed. "It was nice knowing you."

 _"... soon the world will be ashes!"_ Gaea finished her dramatic speech with a triumphant flourish before summoning a huge earthquake that commenced immediately.

Percy tried to shield Hestia with his body, causing her to smile. "It hardly matters, we're both dead anyways..."

Percy saw a boulder or something smash into Hestia's side, causing him to lose his grip on her. He heard her cry of pain before a rock suddenly decided to dive bomb his head and suddenly, everything was black.

* * *

 **Mothers** (aka RIP Olympus (the first time maybe))

When Sally felt the earthquake, she started to cry. She knew what it meant. Her son was probably dead. Olympus was falling. All of humanity was doomed.

When Leto felt the earthquake, she though of her twin children. While the two of them constantly annoyed each other as adults, she wanted to spend her last moments thinking about the memories of Artemis and Apollo's childhood.

When Rhea felt the earthquake, she groaned. Her son had failed again. She did feel sympathy for Hades and Hestia, however. They didn't deserve to die like this. Hestia and Hades were the only two who never really became complete megalomaniacs. Even Poseidon had a sense of pride, while Hades just liked dead people and cash.

When Athena felt the earthquake, she cried for herself, for her father, for Olympus, for the wrongly accused Percy, and for her daughter. _Wisdom's daughter walks alone._ Again. Annabeth had fallen to greed and hubris. As a result, everyone was going to die. Maybe she knew this and was fine with it, considering she was smiling at all of the Olympians being sucked into the earth, one by one. Athena felt her feet get trapped in the mud. Her legs followed, then her hips, torso, and finally, her head disappeared. She was gone.

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 3** _(Time travel is always fun)_

Percy blinked. Everything was no longer black. Instead, he realized he was back in his dorm room at Yancy Academy. That means, either something fishy was going on, or he had traveled back in time, which was also something fishy. Nevertheless, he sat up in bed, because he had been sleeping there, and proceeded to notice a letter sitting in his lap.

He opened it. It read:

 _Dear Perseus Jackson,_

 _That was funny. The Olympians were so stupid back there. Nevertheless, even though it wasn't strictly your fault, you lost the war. You've been transported back in time to see if you can figure out how to save Olympus._

 _Remember that your biggest advantage lies in your knowledge of the future. Also remember that whatever you do differently in this timeline will have a large effect on future events. It would be best not to change your actions too darastically._

 _Also, remember to save as many people who died last time as you can, but if a person survives in the previous timeline, do not make an effort to save them as they will be fine. Next, do not trust Annabeth._

 _Now, every time you die, you will awaken back in this new timeline at a certain spot. If you feel like you screwed up, just kill_ _yourself. It will be fine, and whenever you wake up, you can be sure that up until that point, all of your actions were correct._

 _Sincerely, the all-powerful god who was previously doing nothing between parts 1 and 2._

Percy was confused by the entire letter, but hid it where he was sure Grover wouldn't find it. If it was true he was in the past and could save everyone, he would need to be very careful and plan every action. Apparently, this person was a super powerful god, a primordial of some sort. Apparently, this primordial thought that life and death were trivial matters given that death was now apparently a minor inconvenience.

He stood up, trying to plan a course of action. He felt small and weak in his twelve year old body. He would have to train to change that.

He still wasn't sure what to do as his next big move, so he decided to ask around for the current date.

It was morning, just a few days before the field trip to the museum.

Time to get ready for school.

* * *

 **Meanwhile on Olympus** _(Gods argue like babies)_

"I am older!"

"No you're not!"

Care to guess which two Olympians shared this particular argument?

That's right. Artemis and Apollo.

"Your poetry sucks!"

"What? No! That's impossible!"

Care to guess which two Olympians shared this particular argument?

That's right. Artemis and Apollo.

"Stop calling me baby sis!"

"But you are my baby sister!"

"No I'm not!"

Care to guess which two Olympians shared this particular argument?

That's right. Hestia and Zeus. Not Artemis and Apollo, though they did frequently argue about a similar topic.

At this moment in time, Hestia was starting to get sick and tired of Zeus treating her like a child. She wasn't a baby anymore- in fact, she was singlehandedly responsible for keeping the Olympians from killing each other... yet.

"Hestia, when are you just going to admit that you're younger than me?"

Hestia growled. "I never said that, though I am older than you! But I'm asking you to stop calling me that ridiculous nickname and to stop calling me a baby!"

"Well, you're the one who hasn't married anyone and refuses to fight!"

Hestia glared and her eyes flashed.

Zeus narrowed his eyes. "Do not push your luck, Hestia. I may be your brother, but I am also the king of the gods, and any disrespect towards Olympians will not go without punishment."

Hestia knew better than to argue when Zeus's voice took that tone, so she instead settled on glancing at the thrones of Artemis and Athena longingly.

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 4** _(Rock paper scissors)_

It was once again time for the museum field trip. Percy, of course, knew exactly what was going to happen. He had gotten used to talking to Grover again, and considering it had been a while even in the past timeline where the world already ended, a few days was adequate enough for Percy to stop gaping at Grover like he was surprised the satyr was present.

Nevertheless, they were seated next to each other on the bus. Unfortunately, Percy was on the inside, next to the aisle. Nancy Bobofit was across from him.

She was making snarky comments and tossing bits and pieces of her sandwich at Grover. Percy was catching them, and he realized he had half a sandwich in his hands.

"Hey! Stop wasting your lunch," Percy glared.

Nancy laughed. "Like you're one to talk, freak! In fact, your lunch is being wasted on you!"

Some of Nancy's friends snickered. "Oh! Sick burn!"

Grover actually commented. "Yeah, she roasted you with that one, Perce."

Nancy smirked.

Percy rolled his eyes. "Fine. Rock Paper Scissors. If I win, you stop throwing food."

Nancy chuckled and would've rolled up her sleeves if she wasn't wearing a short-sleeved shirt. "Let's go."

Percy chuckled. "I've never lost at this game before."

Nancy smirked. "We'll see about that."

"3... 2... 1... go!"

Nancy had thrown scissors.

Percy wore a triumphant smile on his face. He had thrown rock. "Well... looks like I win."

"Best of three," Nancy challenged.

Percy raised an eyebrow. "Alright."

Nancy was in deep thought. _He just played rock, and I just played scissors. He might not play rock again, in which case I should play scissors. But at the same time, he might be trying to trick me into playing scissors or rock, in which case, I should play paper! If he plays rock or paper I win or tie. But he's not going to pick scissors because he wants me to play scissors or rock..._

"3... 2... 1... go!"

It was Nancy who won the round, with her paper beating Percy's rock. "Ha!" she grinned.

Percy chuckled. "Last round?"

Nancy frowned and concentrated again. _If he's just playing instinctively, there's no way he's gonna pick rock three times in a row. And I just won with paper, so he's probably anticipating I'm going to play paper again, in which case he'll either play scissors or paper. Just to be safe, I should play scissors to tie or win in that scenario._

"3... 2... 1... go!"

Percy chuckled. "Game over." He had played rock three times in a row, and won best of three. Nancy was dumbfounded, having played scissors and lost.

"But... how?" she asked in wonder.

Percy laughed. "I could explain the psychology, but you wouldn't understand."

Grover elbowed him. "How did you win?"

Percy smiled. "Well..."

Nancy tried to eavesdrop on his conversation and caught him talking about how guys usually played rock and girls usually played scissors on their first turn. She was under the impression that she had lost to a genius.

Percy stopped midway through his explanation. "- actually, no. I just picked rock three times for the heck of it."

"What?!" Grover and Nancy both shouted at the same time.

Percy smiled wryly. "Whatever. Thanks for the sandwich, Nancy."

This earned him a stutter, a blush, and a hasty 'your welcome?'.

"... that was unexpected..." Percy muttered. "G-Man, shut up!"

Grover was snickering. Apparently, Nancy had a thing for Percy.

"Well... that was brilliant..." Percy groaned.

Grover was still snickering as the bus slowed and students started to depart.

* * *

 **A/N: Hello! If you're reading this, then you hopefully read the first four parts of the story. Obviously, this is supposed to be relatively funny. If it was, great! If it wasn't, then too bad. Try and laugh.**

 **Whatever the case may be, it was actually pretty brief. I want the parts to describe full scenes in the future, but I was just a little lazy this first chapter. The interludes between parts were all serious this time, and somewhat relevant. If you want to skip over them, fine. But don't blame me if you miss something.**

 **You may also have noticed that I repeat "My Normal Mythological Life" every single part. This is simply to bolster the word count, so just ignore it, please.**

 **So how was it? Tell me in a review. The pairing is also undecided except it won't be Annabeth, so suggest that in a review as well. If you just don't get what's going on, leave a review and I'll maybe try and explain it with a response in the next chapter.**

 **All suggestions are welcome.**

 **Have a nice evening.**


	2. Parts 5-8

**A/N: Well, that was fun wasn't it. Anyways, I'm back at it with another chapter of parts of a story accompanied by stupid line breaks.**

 **Obligatory Disclamer: Obviously I don't own the rights to the source material.**

 **Right, reviews. A whole five of them! Here's the thing: I won't respond to reviews individually; instead, I shall write a blurb of text that should hopefully cover everything.**

 **Here goes nothing. Undertale is a decent game. So, by that logic, this should be a decent story. I'm glad you somewhat liked it. And the pairing won't be Nancy or Annabeth. I actually need to look up the story that has that now since I haven't heard of it. It is understandable, considering lots of stories use this trope as a basis, and then they all spiral off differently. I tried to make it fairly funny, and obviously if you're reading this, then I wrote more.**

 **Reading that again, it didn't make sense but I don't care too much. Oh well.**

 **Nevertheless, picking up at part 5.**

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life- Part 5** _(School field trips)_

Percy, of course, knew what was going to happen with Mrs. Dodds, but for now, he was behaving in a similar manner to how he had acted last time. The note had made a point of saying not to change events any more than necessary, considering that could throw the entire timeline for a loop and cause Percy to lose his biggest advantage.

He was starting to realize just how important information was. He could see why Annabeth had been obsessed with knowledge and making plans and utilizing logic in the previous timeline.

Of course, this made his heart hurt, but Percy had already decided not to treat Annabeth as a friend. Considering her fatal flaw was hubris, it would make sense she would try and leech off of Percy's popularity as Poseidon's kid and hero of Olympus. He didn't know for sure, but she obviously had been attracted to Luke prior to Percy...

Percy's private thought bubble was smashed by Nancy accidentally on purpose shoving Grover into him, knocking both of them down. Or at least, that's what he wished had happened. Instead, Grover grabbed onto Percy, who tried to balance by swinging his arms wildly. Careening in a large arc, Percy and Grover rolled through the main tour group, knocked over one of the barriers where they weren't supposed to cross into an exhibit, and proceeded to tumble down onto a few pedestals with a bunch of old pots on them.

Of course, the shattering sound following touchdown alerted them to the situation they had caused. Nancy was snickering while the rest of the class just stared.

Chiron, or rather, Mr. Brunner wheeled over in stunned silence.

"Oops?" Percy tried for an innocent smile.

* * *

 **Rock Paper Scissors** _(The start of what may become a running gag)_

"You ready, G-man?" Percy spoke.

Grover bleated nervously. "Actually, I'm not human, I'm a satyr-"

"-not the point. I assume you know the rules?" Percy asked.

"Um, I think? Scissors beats paper, paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors."

"Alright, lets go."

"3... 2... 1... go!"

Percy had played paper, while Grover had played rock.

They played again. Grover again played rock, while Percy once again played paper.

This happened a few more times.

"Why are you only playing rock?" Percy finally asked.

Grover trembled. "Just think. Paper is made from dead trees... it makes you wonder how many forests are destroyed from Rock Paper Scissors games..."

"... it's just a hand symbol."

"But still!"

"Alright, well, why don't you play scissors?"

"Because if you played paper, it would do disservice to the tree's memory."

"What?"

Grover bleated angrily. "Can we stop playing this now?"

Percy backed up a bit. "Okay, how about we change the game... what about... Zeus, Poseidon, Hades?"

"..."

"Zeus zaps Poseidon, Poseidon floods the underworld, and Hades is underground so Zeus can't do anything?"

"Surprisingly, that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense but it's better than what you usually come up with."

"... wow..."

"By the way, Percy, where are we?"

"I don't know."

Little did they know, the location of the scene was blatantly irrelevant considering it only exists as a desperate attempt at humor.

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 6** _(A bad day to be a pot_ _)_

Percy was enjoying the trip this time. While Nancy and some other kids were just talking and snickering, he was actually reading the plaques in front of thousand-year old pottery. He caught Chiron glancing at what appeared to be a grave for a teenage girl as if he had been there at the funeral, which he honestly probably had.

Grover was walking in silence, trying to limp along with his fake human legs. Percy, of course, knew the truth, but for the sake of continuity, he decided not to point this out.

They continued through the museum until they reached where Chiron had quizzed him on mythology before. Percy waited, but it seemed that Mr. Brunner/Chiron wasn't going to ask him. Then, Percy remembered why he had been called out in the first place and decided to replicate it as best he could.

"Will you SHUT UP!" he yelled, giving Nancy's little group of bullies the wolf-stare he had learned from Lupa in the past/future.

Nancy and Co. turned bright red.

"Do you have something to say, Mr. Jackson?" Brunner spoke in a disapproving tone.

"No, but I think Nancy did," Percy shrugged, stealing a glance at the truly guilty party.

Nancy dropped her smug look and turned bright red.

"Very well. Nancy, care to explain what this picture represents?" Mr. Brunner spoke.

Percy wore a smirk, though he noted the difference in events.

Nancy stuttered. "Um... I don't know..."

Chiron/Mr. Brunner sighed. "Well, would you, Perseus, care to explain to Nancy what this image depicts?"

Percy inwardly grinned, but decided to provide a stupid answer as well. "Well... that's the titan Kronos eating his kids, right?"

"... and he did this because...?" Chiron made a hand motion signaling Percy to continue.

"Well, he didn't want them taking over the world as new rulers, so he decided to eat them instead."

This got a lot of ewws from the girls in the group. Nancy looked like she was about to puke.

"But Zeus escaped somehow, and made Kronos throw up his kids and then they killed him and took over anyway."

Percy paused to listen to the sound of someone throwing up. Looking back, he saw Nancy with her head in some ancient pottery. Some museum staff started running over, so she took off deeper into the museum, and more regurgitating noises could be heard fading away.

All Percy could think of was ' _Man, the pots are having a rough day'_.

Grover looked at him funny. Percy remembered he could supposedly sense emotions.

"... On that happy note, it's time for lunch..." Chiron sighed audibly.

* * *

 **Pine Tree** _(Poor Thalia)_

"I'll hold them off!" Thalia shouted. She glanced around, realizing she was surrounded by monsters. _Aww, crap._

"Wait, guys!" She turned, but Annabeth, Grover, and Luke were already running down into the camp. "Actually, a little help would be appreciated! ... guys?"

Thalia groaned as she swiped with her spear. It was hopeless. At least she was able to live a good life. _Oh, wait. My life was terrible._

Thalia was about to try to sweet talk some of the monsters into letting her go, but then she felt something change. Her feet suddenly fell into the ground, but when she tried to step out of it, she found she couldn't move her legs. She frantically waved her arms while looking down. To her surprise, her legs had been replaced with the roots of a tree, and bark was slowly covering her torso. She screamed as her arms were suddenly forced to her sides against her will and the bark grew over her hands.

She twisted and turned in her prison, trying to break free while the bark just kept creeping higher and higher. Looking to her left, she saw branches and pine needles sprouting from her sides, and suddenly, the bark was over her mouth. She couldn't talk anymore, and her eyes were wide in fear.

She couldn't move her head at all, and when the bark encased her head completely, everything was black.

 _I am now a tree, aren't I? Yup, I'm a tree. What else is new?_

Thalia reached out with her senses. She couldn't see, she could barely hear, and she couldn't move.

She heard Annabeth's voice, muffled a bit. "Thalia!" The little girl was obviously crying. Thalia tried summoning lightning to herself. It didn't really work.

 _Oh... well... are the monsters gone?_

Thalia felt magic surge through her new body as she suddenly felt completely high.

 _Oh my gods what is happening why does it feel like I ate ten packs of ambrosia?!_

To the outside observer, the tree appeared to be supercharging a barrier that acted like a brick wall to the monsters chasing the group of demigods.

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 7** _(Mrs. Dodds dodders)_

Percy was pulled aside by Chiron, who repeated the same speech about how mythology applied to Percy's life in ways he didn't yet know. Of course, Percy had heard all of this before, but he nodded and tried not to act bored.

Percy walked to where Grover was sitting. He was being used as a trash can while Nancy's group threw their trash on him. He thought he saw Grover eating the tinfoil from the sandwiches, but Grover noticed him and stopped acting like a satyr.

"Hey, Percy," he called.

"Hey, G-man. What's new?"

"We got here like an hour ago, what could happen?" Grover asked, bleating nervously. Obviously, he was worried about a monster attack.

Percy shrugged. "Who knows. Well, obviously, Nancy is being a jerk again, as usual."

Grover gave Percy a look that clearly said "don't make a scene... please don't make a scene..."

Percy decided to make a scene. He stood up, walked over to Nancy, and shoved her, hard. She screamed, stumbled, and then was doused in water which yanked her back into the fountain.

Grover gave Percy a look that clearly said "oh gods, he made a scene."

Sure enough, Mrs. Dodds caught the use of demigod powers of awesomeness, and proceeded to ask Percy to follow her.

Grover tried to protect him, but to no avail.

Similar to last time, Percy followed the monster deep inside the museum, both walking purposefully. He didn't bother asking any questions, as he already knew what would happen.

Or, at least he thought he did.

The events proceeded up until Mrs. Dodds transformed into her fury form, brandishing a red hot whip.

"Die!" she yelled, and Percy glanced towards the adjoining hallway where Mr. Brunner was supposed to give him Riptide. But this didn't happen.

Percy cursed, ducking and rolling to put some distance between himself and the monster. _Maybe I was too fast. I should've delayed or asked questions or something like last time. After all, a wheelchair can only move so quickly, I guess..._

Percy saw Mrs. Dodds lunge for him, and he whirled around, grabbed yet another unfortunate piece of pottery, and threw it into his teacher's face as hard as he could. The pot exploded, and somehow, some of Nancy's throw-up splashed straight into Mrs. Dodds' face.

Percy gaped, open mouthed as the furious monster staggered under the relentless assault of putrid smell. Chiron, finally arrived, and Percy felt Riptide in his hands once more.

Now that he had his sword back, he realized how much he had missed it while it had been gone. In a fluid motion, Mrs. Dodds was exploded into gold dust, and Percy made his way back out of the museum in shock and confusion.

 _Okay, so maybe small changes really do have huge impact on the timeline. I made fun of Nancy, and she wound up inadvertently saving me, though not in a good way._

Back outside, Mr. Brunner nonchalantly took the pen back from Percy, who hated to part ways with it. He barely looked up from the magazine or newspaper he was reading. "Please remember to bring your own writing utensil in the future."

Percy frowned. _I should remember to bring my own weapon in the future as well._

He was actually feeling slightly guilty. Though not above damaging a little bit of the surrounding environment, Percy occasionally had to make use of the weapons he was given. This meant borrowing some objects that were either pointy, sturdy, or pragmatically useful in battle. In this scenario, an unfortunate pot was sacrificed so that Percy could live on, not that death was much of an inconvenience, anyways.

Percy sighed.

* * *

 **Robot** _(The kind robots will be doing soon)_

Hephaestus frowned, pressing the button to activate his newest robot invention.

It beeped and whirred into life.

"Robot, clean this oil spill!" Hephaestus ordered.

The robot made its way over to where a small oil puddle from a leaky can marred the perfectly clean expanse of floor. The robot sprayed water with a garden hose in an attempt at cleaning, failing miserably.

Hephaestus frowned.

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 8** _(Grades)_

After the museum incident, Percy had to wonder where the heck the new math teacher came from. He knew the mist was powerful and all, but could it really just spontaneously create a new human being like that? Or did it teleport this person from somewhere else? These were all thought provoking questions he would ask Hazel to ask Hecate about it in a few years, if he remembered about it later.

One particular subject Percy was having difficulty with was English, of course. The teacher was some old man, and he always pressured Percy despite his dyslexia, often saying things like "How can you not read this?" or "Just look at it a little longer!"

He ticked Percy off.

Nevertheless, he'd asked the teacher to help him read with dyslexia to no avail. Yet of course, he was still expected to write essays and such. If you can't even read half the words on a page, how are you supposed to write?

Grover tried to help him. The satyr would occasionally help Percy get through his reading assignments, whether by correcting words or just reading it out loud.

But Percy also struggled in another class. And another. And another.

On this particular occasion, he was nearing the end of a dreadful English session. Even though he'd taken the class before, that didn't change the fact that he had dyslexia, and he was less-than-enthusiastically awaiting the results of a test.

When his name was called, he walked up, grabbed the paper, then sat down in his seat next to Grover.

"What did you get?" Grover asked.

"I don't know, G-man, I can't even read my score."

"Let me see." Grover looked at the paper. "Holy Hera, Percy! You got an 84!" He then covered his mouth and bleated slightly when he realized he'd just said an Olympian goddess's name out loud, but Percy pretended not to notice the slip-up and decided to continue to act ignorant.

"Woah!" Percy said, genuinely surprised. The test was mostly multiple choice, and whenever he couldn't understand the question, he would pick a random answer and move on. Unfortunately, this wasn't the best strategy, but it seemed to do him some good here. Either that or he was having some insane luck for a change.

This did not last long, considering his next class was math.

Percy dug around in his desk, binder, and backpack, but he couldn't find his homework. He distinctly remembered doing it the previous night, but it was nowhere to be found. He was panicking, and he had been in such a good mood since the English test as well.

"Grover, I forgot my homework!"

"So you didn't do it? You can copy off of mine-

"Don't make me look like I'm lazy! I did it but I don't have it!"

"Well, you can still copy... wait... it was a handout."

"Yup..." Percy groaned, standing from his desk and approaching the door.

"Percy, you'll never make it to the dorm and back in time!"

Percy steeled himself for an all out sprint and opened the door.

The new teacher who had magically appeared was standing there. "Class is starting, please take your seats!"

Percy stifled a sob. The homework was worth points, and he had to salvage the situation somehow. So, putting on his best teacher's pet-voice, he blinked. "Oh, excuse me, I was just going to the bathroom."

"You can go after we pass the homework in and start class."

Percy's face fell comically. "... but I really have to go, and I don't think I can wait a couple more minutes for class to start!" _Smooth cover, Percy. Smooth excuse._

"Well, you can hand in your homework now, then."

 _Shoot! What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?!_ Percy wrestled his way through the open doorway and sprinted down the hallway.

The teacher blinked and shrugged before standing behind her podium to start class.

* * *

 **Signs of Intelligence** _(Poetry)_

Apollo stood on his sun chariot, beaming. He was practicing his very useful hobby - poetry.

 _The sun shines down there,_

 _Smiling upon the mortals._

 _I am so awesome._

He scribbled it down on a flash of paper before waving his hand and sending it to his sister. The paper caught fire and burned, but he knew she had received it.

Sure enough, an arrow nearly struck his face, but missed and embedded itself in the chariot adjacent to where Apollo sat. A note attached read _"Stop sending me your poetry! And the last line is so vain!"_

Apollo chuckled. His sister could not appreciate true poetry, but to humor her, he scribbled another haiku on the paper.

 _Conceited polished,_

 _Bell-ringer pulsates, wailing._

 _Apes palpitate, loose._

Apollo sent that along, and once again received a note from Artemis.

 _"What the Hades was that, that doesn't even make sense anymore! PLEASE JUST STOP BOTHERING ME."_

Apollo grinned.

* * *

 **A/N: I think I outdid myself with the poetry. And you can also see, I'm just making stupid stuff up between the parts of the main story. And even in the main story I'm just making stupid stuff up. But it kind of makes sense so I'll keep going with it.**

 **Enjoy your next meal.**


	3. Parts 9-12

**A/N: Long wait for a small chapter, but all I can say is that I'm lazy.**

 **But ah, I'm glad some people liked the previous chapter. And yes, the line breaks are rather interesting.**

 **Obviously if you've made it this far, then you must have taken a liking to the story. That's great! Hopefully you're not some stalker or something. But just in case you are, hello. Please don't kill me. Thanks.**

 **I honestly have no idea what the heck the pairing will be or if there even will be one.**

 **Imstead of deciding on that I'll just casually throw a cliffhanger in near the end of this chapter in preparation to introduce another member of the cast.**

 **Obligatory disclaimer: I don't own the rights to the source text. I do own copies of the source text, but that's frankly unimportant.**

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 9** _(When all else fails, try dumplings)_

Percy and Grover were in the cafeteria, rapidly approaching the end of the year at Yancy Academy. This also meant final exams, and Percy was having a rough time. Grover told him he would be fine if he continued his strategy for english tests.

Of course, the strategy was to select a random answer and hope it was correct. Unfortunately, this failed when faced with a test that wasn't multiple choice. Percy was destined to fail Latin and Pre-Algebra because of this.

For now, though, Percy and Grover were enjoying an absolutely lovely meal at the cafeteria.

The lunch ladies had pulled out all the stops to make these last few meals perfect. This meant dumplings.

It was surprisingly good for cafeteria food, and Grover was bleating to Percy about their recent English test.

"Percy, why did you have to say that?"

"G-man, he deserved it. Calling him an old sot is reasonable!"

"How?"

"All year he's asked me to read! In English class!"

"..."

"G-man, you know I have trouble with that."

Grover bleated unceremoniously as he scooped up a spoonful of rice. He was pretty sure that wasn't the correct way to eat it, but he didn't care as long as it made its way to his mouth. "I know, I know."

"Well, look who's here?" a familiarly unwelcome female voice chirped.

Percy and Grover groaned. It was Nancy, of course, with some of her goons.

"Hey, Nancy. What do you want?" Percy sighed and banged his head on the table.

"Well, I want a lot of things," she spoke, cocking a hip sideways and winking. Grover winced at Nancy's obvious attempt at being seductive.

Percy banged his head on the table. "Go away, Nancy."

Nancy pouted. "You can have my dumplings."

Grover's eyes widened. "Don't do it, Perce!"

Percy banged his head on the table. "I'm not falling for that."

Nancy glared. "Fine. We'll settle this with another round of Rock Paper Scissors!"

Percy banged his head on the table. "No, the cafeteria was serving rice and dumplings today, so we should play the chopsticks finger game instead."

Nancy frowned. "What?"

Percy stopped banging his head. "You know, chopsticks. The finger game."

Nancy frowned more. "No."

Percy shrugged. "Then no deal. Go away."

Nancy growled and lobbed a dumpling at Percy's face. He caught it, then tossed it back at her. "Try not to waste food," he casually remarked, turning back to his tray.

Nancy seethed, and ate the dumpling before storming up to him, grabbing his arm, and tugging on it forcefully.

Percy stood, turned around, then shoved Nancy, hard. She fell to the ground, rolled under a table, and found her face pressed against the floor.

She hurriedly got up and stormed off somewhere, face bright red.

"What a moron," Percy groaned as he went back to eating his dumplings.

The school intercom decided to publicly humiliate him at that moment. "Perseus Jackson, please report to the principle's office."

Grover snickered, but wore a worried expression.

Percy groaned and finished rest of his dumplings as fast as he could before standing. "Well, this is the end of the road for me," he sighed.

Grover paled at that, knowing that he was supposed to keep Percy out of trouble.

"Relax, G-man, I'm just messing with you."

Grvoer nodded slowly.

Percy chuckled and walked away, knowing full well he was about to be expelled which was fine by him.

* * *

 **Robot** _(The kind robots will be doing soon)_

Hephaestus frowned. His had was hovering over the button to activate his new contraption, made in a few seconds.

The button flashed red and a keypad swiveled into view on the front of the robot. "Please enter your four digit PIN code."

Hephaestus frowned, keying in his personal code.

"Thank you for choosing Hephaestus robotics. For a standard cleaning of the floor, please press 1. To clean a specific portion of the floor, please press 2. To clean all walls, please press 3. To clean a specific wall, please press 4. To clean a specific portion of each wall, please press 5. To clean the ceiling, please press 6. To clean a specific part of the ceiling, please press 7. To clean-"

Hephaestus frowned, slamming his finger on the 1 key.

"Understood. For dust cleaning, please press 1. For dirt/mud cleaning, please press 2. For liquid spill cleaning, please press 3. For all purpose cleaning, please press 4-"

Hephaestus frowned, slamming his finger on the 4 key.

"Understood. Preparing to initiate an all purpose standard floor cleaning. This cleaning will cover the entire surface area of the floor, clearing dust, dirt, mud, and stray liquids. Is this okay? To proceed with cleaning, please press 1. To select different cleaning parameters, please press 2-"

Heohaestus frowned, slamming his finger on the 1 key.

"Understood. Initiating an all purpose standard floor clearing."

The robot began moving, before stopping with a jolt.

"Your session has expired. Thank you for choosing Hephaestus Robotics. Please enter your four digit PIN code."

Hephaestus frowned.

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 10** _(Latin test)_

Percy's next final was Latin, with Mr. Brunner who was actually Chiron. He knew he needed to study, but once again, he just couldn't read it. He could read Latin a little bit after visiting Camp Jupiter, but he couldn't read the English instructions telling him what to do.

He sighed, deciding to see what Grover and Chiron would talk about this time.

He crept down the ball, and sure enough, they were having a nice friendly chit chat. Percy listened in but was somewhat disappointed to finding that they were repeated themselves exactly, not missing a word. So Zeus and Poseidon were once again about to go to war against each other.

Percy could tell already, based on the weather alone, but this completely confirmed it. Obviously, he hadn't screwed up too badly yet. He made his way back to his room, determined to score at least a high C on his exam.

Percy sighed, and turned away from Grover when he came back in.

"Percy, it's nearly midnight, you'll be fine," Grover called.

"You're right..."

Percy finished his exam feeling confident. He managed to get through it all, and he was reasonably sure he was right considering he still sort of retained what Latin he had learned from his time at the roman camp.

Afterwords, Mr. Brunner pulled him aside.

"Perseus... I heard about you... being expelled from Yancy. It may be... for the best."

Percy frowned. Before, he had been angry, slightly. But now, he understood.

"Wait," Chiron backtracked. "It's just that, you're special, Percy-"

The rest of the class laughed at him from their seats. He was nearly the last done turning in his exam.

Percy nodded. "I think I understand, partially. Thank you, Mr. Brunner. I respect you a lot," he added. Maybe that was pushing it. He didn't know, but he hoped he wasn't screwing up the timeline.

Grover asked him how he did.

"Passable," Percy replied. "I think I might get a B."

* * *

 **Rock Paper Scissors** _(Nancy)_

"You ready to be beaten?" Nancy challenged, shaking her fist.

Percy shrugged. "Round three it is, then."

"Shut up!"

Percy rolled his eyes. "Whatever, lets go."

"3... 2... 1... go!"

Percy grinned triumphantly. He had won with rock, while Nancy used scissors.

Nancy growled. "Best of three."

Percy nodded.

"3... 2... 1... go!"

Percy smirked. He was victorious once again. Nancy had played paper. Percy had scissors, winning two of the three games already.

"Best of five," Nancy narrowed her eyes.

Percy shrugged.

"3... 2... 1... go!"

Nancy's eyes widened. She'd won! Using scissors against Percy's paper, she sneered at the result. "Ha!"

"3... 2... 1... go!"

Percy shrugged. "Well, that's game." He'd won his third round out of five with the same outcome of the very first round.

"... best of seven."

Percy groaned. "Oh my gods, this is going to be my whole day, isn't it!"

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 11** _(Bus, old ladies, and large socks)_

Percy managed to get kicked out of the same school again, so he and Grover decided once again to take a bus back to Manhattan.

Except things were a little different. Grover immediately said "I'm coming to your apartment with you, and then we need to talk with your mom."

"Why? What are we going to talk about? That crazy demon lady who was our math teacher?" Percy said nonchalantly.

Grover stuttered and squeaked a bit, stomping his fake human feet nervously. "Erm..."

"Grover, it's alright if you don't want to explain everything, but I know something is up that you and Mr. Brunner and my mom have been keeping a secret from me."

Grover paused, trying to figure out how to respond to that. "Percy, that information is dangerous, I can't tell you right now. I promise your mom and I will explain, but for now you need to trust me, okay?"

Percy nodded. "I got it," he said as he handed some cash to the bus driver to pay for both their rides. Turning to look for open seats, he gasped. "G-man, the bus is empty!"

Grover's mood changed. "Uh oh."

Percy groaned internally. "What, are you worried we're going to encounter another wild math teacher?"

Grover stuttered, not moving. Percy, meanwhile, relaxed by lying down and resting across multiple seats at the same time. Inside his head, he was grumbling at how he'd changed the timeline again, but it hardly mattered since it didn't seem to alter too much.

Inside Grover's head, alarm bells were ringing loudly, screaming danger. Sure enough, the bus broke down. Percy didn't seem to care, seeing as he was still relaxing on his seats.

The driver groaned. "Sorry boys, but I need y'all to get off while I see if I can fix this blasted thing," he spoke with a gruff voice.

Percy grabbed Grover's arm and pulled him off the bus because Grover was still standing frozen.

Similarly to the previous timeline, Percy noticed the Fates working at their little stand. One was holding a basket with the balls of string, the next was in the process of knitting another sock, and the last was attacking a humongous pile of bloated clothing with a deadly pair of scissors.

The middle one picked a string from the bunch, then snipped it by stuffing it into the pile of her friend. She smiled and then the bus turned back on.

"Back on, boys!" the bus driver yelled at the top of his lungs, and Percy let put a small cheer.

Grover was still frozen, so Percy had to drag him back on.

"G-man! Snap out of it! Was that bad? Do I need to be worried about anything?" he asked, knowing full well that it could be interpreted as bad and something to worry about.

Grover bleated nervously. "That was very bad... they cut a string, probably yours..."

Percy pretended like he was figuring stuff out. "Sounds like they killed me or something. But I'm not dead! If cutting a string would kill me, then I'm not dead! I'm hoping that was my step-father's life string or something."

Grover cast him a sideways glance. "Perce, where'd you get the idea of life strings? And you're right, maybe you should've died then..."

Percy winced slightly. Maybe he'd said too much. Or maybe he felt bad about lying to Grover knowing that the Fates cutting a string predominantly predicted the future, not the present.

He still came up with an excuse about all the life string business he wasn't supposed to know about yet. "Er, mythology in Latin? Mr. Brunner kept saying about how all that stuff was important, so I guess I started to learn a lot of it," he fibbed easily, mainly because it wasn't a complete lie.

Grover seemed to buy it, and they spent the rest of the ride in silence occupying seats normally for a change.

* * *

 **Robot** _(...)_

Hephaestus watched in disappointment as his robot failed to clean any part of the room.

"Your session has expired! Please enter your four digit PIN code."

"It took so long to finish programming the cleaning parameters..."

Hephaestus frowned.

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 12** _(Smelly Gabe)_

Grover really really had to go to the bathroom again, but this time Percy waited for him and they walked the rest of the way to Percy's apartment together after riding in the back of a taxi. Percy had decided not to ditch him this time, so hopefully his mom could drive them both to camp half-blood without the intervention of the Minotaur.

If there was one thing Percy did not want to see again since he'd traveled to the past, it was the Minotaur. He was even smellier than Smelly Gabe, and just as ugly and stupid. Percy did think that Gabe could play poker better than the beef-man, but that was only because said bull-man was basically blind. If only there was a monster repellent spray. An idea to pursue a later time.

They were trudging up the stairs talking, Grover trotting nervously while Percy walked with purpose.

"Are you excited to see your mom again?" Grover asked, trying and failing to bring down the tense atmosphere that had enveloped the two the moment they had begun their ascent of the stairs.

"She'll be at work," Percy replied somewhat stoically. Clearly, he wasn't looking forwards to seeing Smelly Gabe... again, given that he'd traveled back in time.

"Oh." Grover frowned, reading Percy's emotions through a limited filter.

"My step-dad will be home though. We need to make a beeline for the bedroom."

"Got it. But Percy, why is your step-dad-"

"Just be silent and hopefully he won't notice you. Walk to my bedroom without being seen, you can't miss it."

Grover nodded silently, understanding the gravity of the situation. Once Percy set his mind on something strange or weird, there was no stopping him.

Percy opened the door back to his good old apartment, calling out. "I'm home! And I didn't fail at school! I mean, I got expelled, but I have money for you, the change from the bus and taxi. Here, take it."

Percy managed to capture the attention of the three other poker players, who didn't have direct lines of sight to where Grover was sneaking by.

Gabe himself kept his back turned and extended a hand back over his shoulder for the money silently. Percy pressed half of it into his hand, and Gabe didn't bother counting as he was still focused mostly on his cards. In fact, he didn't really bother harassing Percy much at all, and both Grover and Percy made their way back into the bedroom safely.

Shutting and locking the door, Percy sighed with relief.

"That was kind of close. But we were successful."

Grover didn't answer, he was too busy frozen in shock.

Percy slowly turned around, and what he saw made his jaw drop. "What the ****?!"

* * *

 **A/N: Who - or what - has appeared in Percy's bedroom? How did they get in? What changes in the timeline could have caused this to happen? When will Percy's mother arrive? And will Smelly Gabe comment on the questionable word choice demonstrated by his step-son?**

 **Find out in the next chapter, which has yet to be written as of the writing of the author's note.**

 **At this point, I'm just trying to bolster the word count, so don't mind me.**

 **Thanks for sticking around and reading this stuff. There's really no reason for you to. But it's nice to know at least a few people enjoy this somehow. ^-^**

 **Review and tell me how I did. I order you to.**


	4. Parts 13-16

**A/N: Ah, feedback! Fascinating. Even though the same person reviewed three times. But that's okay, because it tells me that he read past the first chapter which is great!**

 **In fact, anybody who reviews the later chapters is good, because it means past me has served his purpose well by making the first chapter interesting enough for people to keep reading. So good job past me, you've created a half-decent first chapter.**

 **In the meantime, I'll try and think of more strange mishaps to have occur through Percy's time travel adventure. I mean, I have to try not to completely break the plot of the story, right?**

 **Sp let's see about to reviews. It's funny because I'll start on the next chapter and finish this section, but then someone new will review before this chapter gets posted so I have to update these paragraphs. Multiple times, usually. But that's fine.**

 **Coincidentally, it looks like reviewers want me to finish this chapter and post it as fast as possible. I'll try, but no guarantee of efficiency coming from me.**

 **I'm glad that the person who reviewed three times seems to have improved his or her opinion of the story with each chapter. Chapter 1: "I like idea." Chapter 2: "Not bad." Chapter 3: "Great job!" Ayy I made people compliment me I feel so accomplished.**

 **I've always pictured Hephaestus as a skilled god who tinkers and toys with machines and programming, but even he has to make some mistakes sometimes, right? So why not focus entirely on the mistakes while completely ignoring all of his accomplishments?**

 **And I wasn't trying to imply that Percy was going to avoid The Minotaur at all. I was just trying to say that Percy wasn't exactly looking forwards to the encounter, so that may have been unclear. I assure you, the Minotaur fight will be different, kind of, but will be present.**

 **Alright, so that's all wrapped up. Now, I'm not sure how many of you will be pleased with the character being plucked out of normality and thrust into the new timeline's radically stupid changes, but I have a few reasons which I will explain. More on that if you get through this chapter and to the second author's note at the bottom.**

 **Whew. This author's note is pushing 500 words, so if you made it through all of that, whether you were searching for my response to your specific reviews or genuinely concerned for my mental health, you deserve an award. So you get a sad feeling. :(. I can't really actually give you anything of substantial value, so... have a chapter instead, I guess.**

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 13** _(How did this happen?!)_

"What the ****!" Percy shrieked in surprise. He had good reason, seeing as the girl who was standing in his bedroom was... well... standing in his bedroom. Uninvited. I'll leave it to your imagination which four letter word Percy picked as his first impression.

The aforementioned girl winced. "Hello to you too. Tell me, are you ... Perseus Jackson?"

Grover was freaking out, bleating nervously. Percy glanced at him and noticed that he looked close to fainting.

Meanwhile, Percy was also freaking out, stuttering nervously. What could he have possibly changed in the timeline to cause _this?!_

He turned his attention back to the girl. It was obviously Hestia, the goddess. She appeared as a twelve year old this time, wearing a brown dress with her hair down behind her. She had her usual firey red eyes, and had boots on her feet which sort of matched the dress but not too well. However, most of this was overshadowed by the fact that _she was there in the room for an unknown reason._

She glared at him. "Well, are you?"

Percy was very, very confused. "... uh, what?"

Hestia groaned and shook her head. "So Poseidon had me come here for nothing? Stupid..."

Percy's ears perked up slightly at this. His dad had told Hestia to visit him? "Um, yeah, I'm Percy."

Hestia sighed. "Okay, good. You look like your father," she said, crossing her arms.

Grover blinked and made wild gestures to try and get her to shut up.

"My father?" Percy continued to feign ignorance while pondering multiple questions in his mind.

Hestia continued to rant. "Yeah, your dad. He's a god."

Grover fell over in defeat.

"And I have problems of my own. The fact that I'm here stuck with you is one of them. Poseidon figured it would be easier for me to team up with somebody to get to Camp Half-Blood. But you don't look promising, given your eloquent word choice."

Percy winced. "Ouch, that was mean."

"And so is yelling _that_ in someone's face," Hestia retorted.

"Well, you just waited here in my bedroom like a stalker! How did you even get in here!" Percy glared back. Hestia blinked, pausing.

"Um... I threw a large rock at the fire escape to knock it down, then climbed up that way."

Percy blinked. "... what?"

Hestia groaned. "I'm sorry, I'm realizing that it's all my fault. I shouldn't have just waltzed into your apartment like that. Though it reeks in here, I must say."

Percy blinked. "You can thank my step-dad for that. He's also the reason why there's beer cans everywhere."

Hestia met his eyes, then shifted uncomfortably. "So... sorry about all that."

"It's okay. You just startled me."

Hestia nodded. "Now, let me tell you who I am and why am I here."

Percy sighed. "Yes, that may or may not be useful info for me."

Hestia rolled her eyes. "My name is Hestia. Like, goddess Hestia."

Percy pretended to be surprised while Grover was dying in the corner being ignored.

"Really?" He answered in a shocked tone of voice, expecting an affirmative answer.

Hestia chuckled. "No."

Percy freaked out. _What the heck was going on?!_

"I was," Hestia clarified. "But not right now."

"Wait, what?" Meanwhile in Percy's head, _'WHAT COULD I HAVE POSSIBLY DONE TO TURN HESTIA MORTAL?!'_.

Hestia groaned. "Zeus turned me mortal because I made him ... displeased... overall displeased is the word I would use ... and now his symbol of power is stolen and I feel like the only way I can become a goddess again is to prove myself useful and get it back for him!" she finished, closing her eyes and wincing.

"Oh. Well, that barely explains anything that's happening to me right now," Percy sighed, knowing a little bit of what was happening to him at that moment. He was sure now that he needed to bring Hestia to the underworld to get the bolt and helm back to reinstate her as a goddess. As for why she was mortal... well obviously he'd done something, and it was his fault. But what? What could he have possibly done?

Hestia finally noticed Grover when a loud thumping noise caused by him fainting and crashing together the floor alerted her to his presence. "A satyr... wait... so you didn't know about being a demigod?"

Percy shook his head.

Hestia grinned sheepishly. "Oops. So that's why you were so confused! Sorry, should have asked. This whole thing is my fault, then."

Percy blinked awkwardly. He knew it really wasn't, and he obviously blamed himself. But he couldn't figure out what he had done significantly differently to cause this.

Hestia stared at him, waiting for a response that he never gave. "So um... sorry about that, but just trust me for a little while. You're probably in great danger. And now your smell has increased tenfold," she considered.

"What do you mean, my smell?" Percy tried to keep the conversation going while he pondered his problem.

Hestia sighed. "Monsters, Perseus. Monsters can smell you out, and the less you know about mythology being real, the less tasty you smell."

"So you just told me all about mythology being real. That sounds bad."

"It is bad, and I apologize. Do you have any weapons?"

"Um, kitchen knives and stuff I guess."

"No, like monster killing weapons?"

"Probably not."

"But of course!" Hestia sighed, slightly exasperated.

Percy winced at seeing his favorite goddess apparently as a mortal. He was also disappointed that said goddess didn't have a high opinion of him, was stressed, exasperated, and slightly desperate though she did a good job of hiding it. Obviously, she wasn't sure if he would allow her to come with him. But, Percy was now determined to get on her good side, so he'd happily bring her along and do everything he could to get her immortality back, even if it meant punching Zeus in the face.

Percy sat on the bed. "So where is this camp thing we're trying to get to?"

"Your mom, and your satyr, will know."

"Wait, is it within driving distance?" Percy asked, knowing full well it was.

"Yes? I think?" Hestia sat next to him on the bed and shifted uncomfortably.

"Then my mom can drive us."

Hestia's face brightened slightly. "Alright, if she even will drive me. You don't have to bring me along, I'm not trying to force you," she stood up hastily and gained an apologetic look on her face. It was almost as if she had just remembered she was guilty of breaking and entering.

Percy stood and walked over to check on Grover. "Come on, my mom won't mind."

Hestia grinned before she glanced down again. "Oh thank the gods, I mean... thanks, Perseus. You know, you're slightly more tactful than your first impression implied."

Percy shook Grover in an attempt to wake him. "I'll take that as a compliment."

It was about at this moment that Percy's mom walked in, bringing in the odor of sweets and candy which masked the foul stench of beer.

She gaped at the scene before her. Percy was trying to wake an unconscious Grover, and some girl was in the room with them sitting on the bed.

Sally Jackson closed the door, then sighed. "Percy, you'd better have a good reason for this..."

Percy glanced up and his face brightened when he saw his mom, but when he saw the expression on her face, he gulped.

Somewhere else in the universe at that same moment, one would expect to find Hephaestus frowning.

* * *

 **Signs of Intelligence** _(Fake feet)_

"Grover?"

"Yeah, Percy?"

"Why do you have to wear fake feet over your hooves?"

"Perce, you know it's so the mortals don't notice a person with goat legs walking around-"

"Grover, shouldn't the mist already do that?"

"Huh?"

"Grover! The magical mist hid a huge war from the entire island! Surely it can put human feet on you for mortals!"

"... wow... that's true."

"So why do you wear fake feet over your hooves?"

"Um..."

"..."

"Err..."

"... G-man, I'm waiting."

"Um... so my hooves don't make clopping noises?"

"... Grover."

"What now?"

"That actually kind of makes sense."

"Y-yeah, sure."

"We almost found a plot hole, didn't we G-man?"

"Yup."

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 14** _(Car)_

"Hestia, how likely is it that we'll be attacked by a monster?" Percy asked her.

She turned her head towards him and groaned. "Fasten your seat belt. And probably a fifty fifty chance."

Sally glanced at Percy in the backseat. "Put on your seatbelt, sweetie."

Percy groaned. This was going to be a long car ride.

Grover napped for a bit against his seat, and then Hestia yawned. She chose the window as her pillow as opposed to Percy's shoulder, which was good for both of them given Percy was in no mood for relaxation or napping. He kept glancing behind them and in front of them, searching for signs of any monsters.

Dusk had fallen rapidly, and the stars were shifting into view. Or, they would be if heavy storm clouds weren't rolling their way into view. Percy wondered why this was happening. In the last timeline, the minotaur had arrived later.

Hestia cracked an eye open. "Oh... you need directions, Miss?"

Percy's mom shrugged. "Yes."

Hestia nodded. "Okay, well, keep going for now, we're almost there."

Percy froze in his seat. The Minotaur had made an appareance, running after them a few hundred yards back. In the lightning storm that had suddenly engulfed them, only the black shape of him was visible.

Hestia caught him staring... at the monster. She cracked a grin. "Relax, Perseus, I'm sure we'll be fine."

Percy pointed out the back window.

Hestia sighed. "I spoke too soon." Percy's mom slammed the accelerator.

Grover finally woke up with a jolt. "Monsters!"

"We know, we know," Hestia muttered. "We're almost there, right? Erm, Grover?"

Grover nodded, bleating nervously. "You'll need to drive up the hill in the car, but we're going to make it-"

BOOM!

Percy groaned as his vision cleared. The car was sideways across the road, smoking and unrecognizable. Most of the windows were smashed, and Percy and his mom seemed to be doing okay. Hestia had a cut on her cheek, presumably from flying glass, and Percy was sure there was something wrong with himself, too. Grover, of course, was unconscious and dreaming about enchiladas. Percy had nearly flown into Hestia, and Grover was unconscious next to his mom, who had wide eyes and fear etched on her face.

Percy had forgotten that Zeus was a paranoid lunatic and enjoyed sending lightning bolts onto people.

Hestia groaned when she found her side of the car on the road. "We need to hurry-"

Percy pushed his car door open against gravity, and climbed upwards out of the car. Then, he pulled downwards with all his strength to get the car somewhat level on the road. It worked, and his mom and Hestia scrambled out of the charred remains of the car. Percy got Grover out, and also remembered just how heavy he was.

He scrambled away from the car dragging Grover along, and not a moment too soon, given that Zeus decided to be a crazy lunatic again and incinerate the car once more.

Hestia shivered and waved Percy over to the grass besides the road where the group reconvened. "I hate running in a dress, it doesn't work. And it's raining, too!" she called over the wind, which had picked up. Red mortal blood dripped from her cut.

She took off in a certain direction, and Percy and his mom followed, carrying Grover. Percy knew the route. He could see the pine tree now despite the rain and the storm.

Unfortunately, he could also see the Minotaur.

* * *

 **Signs of Intelligence** _(Hephaestus frowns)_

Hephaestus stared at his creation. It didn't work, and Athena had dropped by to see what the issue was.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "You of all people should know that it's impossible to create perpetual motion and thus infinite energy. It goes against the theory of thermodynamics."

"It was worth a shot."

"Pfft. Not even."

Hephaestus frowned.

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 15** _(Epic battle... maybe)_

Hestia was currently arguing with Percy over the game plan.

The two agreed that one of them should help Percy's mom carry Grover to the camp while the other be used as cannon fodder.

Neither could agree on whigh one of them should do what.

"Perseus, I'm a goddess! I can fight!"

"You're not supposed to be able to fight, you're Hestia!"

"... ... Well, I'd like to see you try!"

"Okay!"

"No, I didn't actually mean that!"

"I did!"

"Perseus, you can't win!"

Percy sighed, getting serious. "Hestia! You're a pacifist goddess turned mortal. You can't fight it, certainly not without a weapon, and no matter what, you shouldn't die."

"Why not-"

"Because you're a goddess! And I know what I'm doing. Trust me for once."

Hestia growled. "Well, you don't have a weapon either!"

"I do wish I had those kitchen knives," he spoke as he gave her a light but forceful shove towards the camp boundary. He sighed and turned back towards the Minotaur, who was barreling after them at a high velocity.

Hestia glared angrily but ran off to drag Grover with Percy's mom, who hadn't said much.

Mrs. Jackson did call out the typical advice again, something about dodging because the stupid beast couldn't see.

Percy knew what he was doing, though he did feel a bit vulnerable without Riptide. Naturally, he charged. The fight was on.

Percy started off with the dodging trick. The Minotaur, not yet experienced with fighting a Percy, barreled straight past him and bellowed in anger, not paying much attention to the group of three staggering their way up the hill towards safety.

"Hey, beef brain! How would you like to become roast meat!"

That seemed to get the monster's attention, and Hestia's. She had shaken her head in disbelief at the taunt.

Percy, meanwhile, was busy jumping around to get the guy to charge again. It worked for a second time, and the Minotaur was seriously pissed off now.

He was so pissed off that he ignored Percy altogether and charged straight at the group of three on the hill. Percy cried out a warning and tried to chase after it, but Percy's mom leapt into action bravely.

She managed to get the Minotaur targeted on her. It charged. She dodged to the side. The Minotaur grabbed her this time and squeezed, just like previously. Percy knew it was probably coming, but it still hurt a lot to see his mom taken away from him... again. She dissapeared with the golden dust and glow like before, which meant Hades had her.

Hestia was in shock, and Percy was seriously mad now. He charged at the bull once again. Hestia had succeeded in getting Grover over the safety border and was running back out to assist Percy, though she faltered when she saw what was going on.

Percy had again managed to climb onto the stupid cow's back and wrench out a horn. It was almost like riding at a rodeo. He stayed on for a couple seconds, then was violently thrashed off into the dirt. The Minotaur charged again, hands outstretched and ready to squeeze Percys to death.

He, of course, tried to make the fatal stab, but wasn't able to get it off, so instead he rammed the beast with his shoulder. It caused pain, and he'd probably dislocated it or something, but that didn't matter right now.

His heart was pumping, his fists were shaking, his face was grim, and he was in fighting mode. He was also exhausted from running around in a twelve year old's body, and he was emotionally compromised due to goddesses showing up in his apartment and relieving the moment where his mom was taken from him all over again.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts for a brief moment as the monster made another pass. This time, his strike hit its mark, right into the vital organs of the beast.

It burst into dull sandy dust, much unlike his mother.

Hestia was running over shouting something. "Perseus...! ...? Perseus...?"

Percy, meanwhile, succumbed to fatigue and pain, collapsing on the ground unconscious. The last thing he saw was Hestia's face swimming around above his.

"Are you okay...? Perseus...!"

Of course, had to say something before losing visibility, so he muttered "Pfft, does it look like I'm okay?"

* * *

 **Meanwhile on Olympus** _(Explosion)_

It was a peaceful day on the mountain. Hestia was tending her hearth while her sibling stood bickered a bit. She was staring at the nice weather when a bright green light flooded the room. It was obviously the result of Poseidon's trident firing.

Hestia sighed and glanced at Athena, who was sitting in her throne charred and smoking with an angry look on her face.

Hestia groaned, stood up, and walked over to a large changeable sign reading "6 Days Without Incident" before resetting the counter to zero.

All of the other Olympians booed Poseidon.

Hestia sighed and walked up to Athena. "Ambrosia?"

"Please."

* * *

 **My Normal Mythological Life - Part 16** _(Return of Rock Paper Scissors)_

Hestia was dozing off a bit. She was waiting by Perseus's bedside, mostly to thank him for not dying. Chiron had kindly understood her situation and was prepared to give her a rather important quest should she decide to take it. She wasn't sure what to do, so Chiron had offered to let her stay in the Big House for the time being.

She didn't have much else to do, so she watched Perseus waiting for him to wake up. She did feel relieved and slightly guilty when he did, so she sighed and stood when he blinked and shifted a bit.

He saw her, and his face showed surprise. "Ah, hey?"

Hestia chuckled. "Hello. I suppose I must thank you."

"Um, sure. I guess."

Hestia rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Are you feeling alright?"

"I feel like trash."

"I was afraid of that. Drink this." She gave him a glass of nectar with one of the bendable kids straws in it.

He started, and Hestia stared as the quantity of liquid in the glass steadily drained down until there was nearly none left. Hestia yanked the glass out of his hands.

"Enough of that."

Percy gained a quizzical look on his face, prompting Hestia to explain.

"You'll incinerate yourself if you drink much more. So don't."

Percy nodded and settled in for a period of uncomfortable silence.

Hestia averted her eyes. "Sorry about your mother."

Percy winced visibly, so Hestia flinched and stepped back.

"It's alright," Percy spoke.

Hestia blinked. "I wish I could help, but... I don't know. Also, I need to talk to you."

"Okay."

"In private."

"Like now."

Hestia shrugged. "Why not?" She sat down in her chair again. "So, I've explained a bit of this before, but I thought I'd let you know what's going with my situation."

Percy looked relieved. "Okay, good, I'm really confused."

"But first, nice fight with the Minotaur. You were amazing. How'd you come up with a strategy like that?"

"Not important."

"I beg to differ. You might be useful if you come with me on a quest. More on that later."

Percy nodded and frowned.

"Anyways, I'm mortal. I hate it, but I can't do anything about it since Zeus was really really mad at me. Poseidon wasn't. You know who that is?"

"Of course."

"Alright. Anyways, he wasn't angry. He helped me out by telling me to look for you to help me get to camp."

Percy blinked in surprise.

"That leads me to believe that Poseidon is your father.

"What-"

"Shush! No one else can know about this, not until you get claimed. Seriously. Okay?"

"Fine, but-"

"Shh! Poseidon helped me find you, and you turned out to be a pretty good demigod, if a little lacking in experience."

Percy rolled his eyes.

"Seriously. You're a good fighter. Which leads me to ask you to come with me on a super dangerous quest that might kill you in order to help me regain my immortality."

Percy blinked. "Sign me up!"

Hestia giggled. "Are you sure? I'll let Chiron explain the situation to you, and you can decide then. And remember, no one else is to know who your father is. Got most of it?"

"Some, yes."

"Okay. Now, can you walk? Or are you near dead?"

Percy groaned and tried to stand out of bed. His facial expression made it evident he was in pain, so Hestia moved to support him by the arm.

"Um, Hestia?" he asked, face a strange greenish color with a worried expression on his face.

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

"Oh."

Hesria guided Percy out and leaned him against a railing.

"Hestia, what did you do that made Zeus so mad?"

She winced. "I tried to get Zeus and Poseidon to stop fighting."

"What were they fighting about?"

"They were arguing over some hand game called Rock Paper Scissors or something...?"

Percy froze. Did he do something to screw with the entire timeline?" If so, what? And why did Rock Paper Scissors keep showing back up?

* * *

 **A/N: I thought it would be funny if I screwed with the entire plot of the series with the sole reason being Percy's newfound interest in Rock Paper Scissors. Sorry if you don't like Hestia's existence, can't really change it much now.**

 **If you see any glaring plot holes let me know and they probably won't be fixed anyways, but I'll try. I think I thought through everything, but you never know.**

 **Review. Now.**


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